I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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