I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
