I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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