I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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