you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
