i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
