I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
