i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
