the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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