Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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