U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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