jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
