you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
