She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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