Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
