i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
