What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
