Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
