wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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