I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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