If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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