She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
