I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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