Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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