before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize