I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
