At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
