so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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