i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
