How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize