So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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