so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
