I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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