8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
