Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
