Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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