dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
