You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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