im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
