my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Semen is not good for contacts.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
