The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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