If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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