I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
