Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize