You're my little dorito
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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