then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
