So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My bed smells like the plague
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
