that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
