She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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