awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
