dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
