Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
