I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
