He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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