If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
