I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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