Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
