I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
