So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
