My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
