I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
