how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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