he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize