He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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