I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
