I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
