Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
