Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
