yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
