I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
