her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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