Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
