My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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