was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
