I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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