If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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