I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
