Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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